ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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