awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize