My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
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Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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