can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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