I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize