Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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