why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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