I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize