i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize