I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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