Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There r osticjed everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize