she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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