Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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