what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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