I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize