you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize