You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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