Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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