My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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