i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
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We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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