Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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