So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize