Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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