I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
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I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
my poor anus
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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