jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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