I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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