My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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