So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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