I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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