Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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