Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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