maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
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I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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