I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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