I can text with my tongue
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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