We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
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Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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