Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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