I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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