Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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