he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
someone owes me an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize