It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize