Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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