Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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