Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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