What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
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He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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