Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize