I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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