Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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