is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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