just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
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im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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