I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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